While most of us are familiar with many of the problems and issues that arise from being strapped financially and raising children, we may not be as familiar with the issues that arise from being financially well-set, or affluent, and also raising children.
Children raised in affluent households sometimes feel isolated and different, and often are treated as strange and unapproachable by others. The children themselves may vacillate among feeling special and superior, to feeling guilty, to feeling estranged as well, and uncertain how to relate to others, if their family wealth is substantially more than those around them. They are often inhibited in talking about aspects of their lives that disclose their financial differences from others, such as types of family trips, gifts, and opportunities. They may have difficulty with accurate empathy, understanding every day issues that occur for most people, and humility. They may have difficulty with credibility from others, even if they have a great deal of empathy and understanding for others.
Necessity is the mother of invention. Many creative ideas and solutions evolve from shifting needs and wants. Having to earn money and support oneself often pushes us to do things outside of our comfort zones and to venture into uncharted territory. If all of our financial needs are met, we may not muster the courage to expand out boundaries.
There are issues of living up to expectations. If the parents have been wildly successful and outstanding business people, children feel a need to be equally as capable and are often intimidated by that prospect. Some children are afraid to try; others may step up to the plate and welcome the challenge. But one thing remains clear to them: they will most likely inherit a great deal of money and assets, and they have to figure out how to manage them and live within that context, or, God forbid, squander what they have, and be embarrassed within their family.
I have seen these children, becoming young adults, who deny their wealth and position, and try to live “like everyone else.” It takes a great deal of time and maturity to actually “own” one’s position, and live with wealth, and also be responsible and ethical. If these children were young when their parents had very little, and experienced the accumulation of financial success as the parents improved their position while raising the children, all the family members tend to have compassion and humility for different socio economic groups (but of course, not always). But children who were raised within families who have had exceptional wealth over many generations, generally need specific help and parenting regarding how to deal with their situation. It needs to be discussed, and a large part of the business of living is the management of assets. How to help children who are being raised in this situation requires much thought and specific teaching and instruction. We are not just born knowing how to handle complicated trusts, wills, investments, strategies, business arrangements, legal ramifications of different choices, etc., so we have to learn and have instruction.
For parents, when to give and when to help is as complicated and confusing as when not to help. Giving can be enabling, and can prevent our children and grown children from learning to solve their own problems. They can also become irresponsible and lazy to put it bluntly, when it is easier to just live off monthly allowance or inheritance, than to become productive. They can become dependent and give in to a dependent lifestyle. Depending on the temperament and capabilities of the child, the abundance of money and assets can lead to passivity, hedonism, fear of acting, lack of direction, fear of making decisions, and lack of purpose. Given help, these children can develop an understanding of how to live with wealth, how they can manage their affairs in a responsible way, how they can find their own purpose within the context of their situation, and how to utilize their unique gifts and capabilities. This may mean that they go to work; and it may not. There also may be relatives: cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings, who work together to perpetuate philanthropy, foundations, trusts, family businesses and to help extended family with management awareness and options. Not everyone has to reinvent the wheel, and not everyone who inherits money will be exceptionally good at investments and management.
So, summing this up, children and young adults who grow up with wealth don’t always just have it made. While they have many blessings for sure, they also have special complications, responsibilities, challenges, and often, burdens they may otherwise not have chosen.
Dr. Susannah Smith is a licensed practicing clinical psychologist and organizational development consultant, with offices in Telluride and Ridgway. She is licensed in Colorado, California, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas. If you would like to contact her, she can be reached at www.creativeteamconsulting.com; shas14@gmail.com; or 970-728-5234.